You have now reached the shores of the most transformative and magical, yet least understood stops on our journey.

Hooray for your courage in visiting here!

Perhaps I have confused you already? How can these awful feelings be good things when so many people live their lives burdened by their heavy yoke?

To understand this mystery you must see guilt and shame as a mirror;

Is it useful and necessary in the morning to use a mirror to get dressed and groom you hair? Well of course! But if you walked around all day with the mirror in front of you to avoid seeing life's unpleasant side, you would put yourself in danger and miss out on plenty!

The mirror of guilt and shame is just the same.

This is because some people choose to feel guilt rather than face life's uncertainty. They make themselves to blame for every bad thing that has happened; so if next time they are ‘more careful’ perhaps they can stop the bad thing happening again.

This is a very primitive and natural reaction (but of course it doesn’t work!). Every earthquake, famine, tidal wave, plague, hurricane and flood in human history has been blamed on someone (or something they did) and someone has equally been prepared to take the blame. Likewise, others came up with punishments and made charms, talisman and idols to ward against this same evil ever getting ‘out of control’ again. 

Under closer inspection this is obviously quite ridiculous and nothing in our power  will stop earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes, nor the wind or the rain.

People die and times change and if we wish to live to a ripe old age we must learn that will involve saying farewell to many loved ones in our life.

We must learn to accept life’s uncertainty with courage and with grace. Life is uncertain and our universe and weather unstable and no amount of self flagellation, punishment or blame will change this.

Walking around avoiding life's uncertainty by holding ourselves responsible for things outside of our control is like walking around looking in the mirror all day and in the same way will undoubtably cause trouble and get in the way.

At the same time we must not avoid looking in this metaphorical mirror daily if we wish to ‘keep ourselves nice’.

Do you drink too much? Eat too much or the wrong food? Do you blame others for your inability to regulate your own anger, jealousy or fear? Do you put other people down rather than face your own developmental gaps? Do you talk too much about yourself, ask too few questions or show little or no interest in others? Do you speak of children in third person when they are standing in the room? Or worse, do you do this with your partner or friends? Are you living in a haze of brain fog because of your lack of exercise and poor dietary choices or are you just plain mean to people because you are tired or lonely or you just feel like you can get away with it? Do you lack the real skills required to do your job with any kind of integrity? Do you lie or cheat to make your way through life because you never bothered doing the hard work others faced? Do you need to work on your manners or social skills or your parenting or personal hygiene skills? Are you an addict? A procrastinator? A know-it-all or a sham?

It hurts to ask ourselves these questions and it hurts worse to really look closely in this mirror when we find that indeed there are flaws in our development or our character.

But when we do look something magical happens ...

The pain of this kind of shame changes us and that is it’s very purpose. 

We only need look at our faults until we can ask ourselves;

would I ever do that same thing again (?) and honestly answer NO! Once we have achieved this we know that the mirror’s work is done and that the process is complete.

I dare you to try this each day for the next week.

I bet that after 7 days when you feel a guilty pang you will stop running from this feeling but instead welcome it, grasp it and even chase it down. Because we do not like walking around with spinach in our teeth and in the same way our life will begin to change rapidly and improvement is nearly guaranteed if we regularly find the courage to face the things in us we really do need to change.

Do you fear hearing how you speak? Well record yourself! Do you fear seeing how you look when talking? Well film yourself. This kind of feedback produces rapid self improvement and personal growth. That is exactly why Steve and I have chosen to make radio shows and films. We are not professionals but working on them has improved our lives dramatically. Only 6 month ago I was terrified of seeing myself on film, but I had a friend encourage me and so now I will encourage you too ...

If it scares you - do it! If you are ashamed of it - look at it! If you are embarrassed about it - admit it and apologise! Life is too short to live in the dark and once you face these fears your life will begin to blossom like a rose.

I dare you to start today!